No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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