Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
