I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
