watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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