I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
