Your tits are I can't wait for
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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