I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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