The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
