She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
