That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
