You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
