You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
