Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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