Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
