I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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