i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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