Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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