Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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