Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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