I don't think brook has ever known best
if only i could text you this smell
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
