I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
