How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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