Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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