it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
