I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
