is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
