I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
