4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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