I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
