i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
