You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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