I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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