My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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