so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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