Cold hands, warm shart.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
