What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
