The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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