Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh god it's open bar.
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