Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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