and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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