i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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