Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize