please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize