I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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