Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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