Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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