Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
