Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
