I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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