**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
