You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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