Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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