Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
