I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she told me i tasted like america
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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