Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
