you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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