does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
