May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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