I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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