So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
