Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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