the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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