just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
