She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
