I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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