false alarm. still invincible.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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