New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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