I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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