god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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