chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
