third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
