Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
