Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
