The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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